How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize