I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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