I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
