it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
