Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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