Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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