So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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