I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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