If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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