we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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