Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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