PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i permit you to call me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
