p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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