Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This house was built for laser tag.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
