Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
