glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
