Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
