Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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