HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
