wanna go halves on a baby?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
