Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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