According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
