You're my little dorito
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
