I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
