i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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