now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
