my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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