im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
