my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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