He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's a naked man in my car right now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
