I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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