If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
