you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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