I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
