My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the condom got lost in my hair
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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