Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
