summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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