That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
