Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She tied me up with her honor cords...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
