Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
