Will you blow on my dice?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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