Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Couch. On fire.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
