Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
