I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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