If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will be naked everywhere
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
