thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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