i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
