Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i dont even know how to be here
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
