mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
