u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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