Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
