it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
