fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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