someone get that fucking seahorse.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
