he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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