ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
that's an acceptable place to lick
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
