8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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