Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
