you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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