Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
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ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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