did you get engaged???
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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