If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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