dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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