i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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