dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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