I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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