I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
