I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
