Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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