so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
